Now listen. It’s just after eleven on a Friday night, and I’m writing this blog post. Pretty fun, huh? It’s not out of boredom, or even a chore. It’s because I need to. Nights are the hardest for someone like me. If I disconnect from the constant distractions of the world around me i.e. the television, my smartphone, this Chromebook, my desktop PC where my favorite games reside with the exception of my Nintendo Switch, there is a high chance I’ll be swallowed up and into the struggles of my mental health.
Still here? I wouldn’t blame anyone for not sticking around when I appear manic. Why should they? All of the depression, anxiety, and chronic issues. Well, it’s a daily battle. Again, nights are the hardest for someone like me. When I’m not creating, when I’m not writing, I am left with feeling like I have little worth thus I should give up as a writer and creator alike; using medical marijuana helps shift these feelings of worthlessness, wrings them out like a sponge into a pool where it will all be washed away.
I promise there is a point to me saying all of this long, convoluted, and weirdly specific stuff. It’s, well…I’ve been going through a lot lately. And writing it all out helps. You know?
My father died recently. Specifically, he passed away on August 30th from covid-related complications. That’s awful, right? Well, of course, it is after four long weeks in the hospital. He was only 56 years old. He was admitted into the hospital two days after a positive covid test. Over the next four weeks, it was touch and go – several times thinking a certain moment was his last but he was always a fighter, always trying to get the last word, the last breath in an argument, even in an argument with death itself it seems.
Losing him has made me reevaluate my entire stressed-out, unhealthy living, slow burn of a lifestyle. Being honest about what I lack in health does not make for what I would call a good time. But I gotta start somewhere, though, right?
The silent killer: stress. I would likely break those “stress watches” if I’m being honest. Why stop there? Have you seen those watches that turn stress into electricity? Well, you can call me Thor now. In all seriousness, it is in fact a massive problem for me. I’ll close this random blog post with this now that it’s midnight (yeah, I know – it took me this long to write this blog post): I’m on a mission where my only reward is living the best life possible filled with as many years as possible not only for myself but for my daughter who deserves to have her own be there for every possible, appropriate moment in her life.
With that said, I’m signing off for the rest of the night and enjoy some late-night 90’s nostalgia: Hey, Arnold! on NickRewind.