Nothing helps. Not my edibles. Not my weed pen. Not toxic positivity. Not motivational posters and quote pictures from Pinterest. Nothing. I’m by myself. I’m stuck within my own little world. It’s a bleak world surrounded by failed hopes and dreams. The only light comes from the small crackling fire pit in the center of this desolate world acting as a beacon of hopes and dreams that will also never come true.

That’s fucked up, isn’t it? You’re surrounded by everything you have failed in your life yet the “promising light” is only full of the same path you’ve been down countless times before thinking “this time it will be different” or a form of “I will make it this time.” There’s a small voice in the back of your mind that you try to drown out with societal expectations otherwise you’re a failure. It’s a voice that grows louder and louder.

Then, blackout.

Next, you’re waking up on a “new day” in a universe that doesn’t obsessively measure time as we do. Repeat. Repeat every cycle you’ve promised you wouldn’t find yourself back in. Where do you go from here? There are no roads in front of you. Well, there are no roads anywhere. You’re stuck in some metaphorical abyss, remember?

Nothing helps.

It’s the end of what we perceived as time. It’s the end of where you were, where you are, and where you thought you would ever be. Here comes that voice again.

There’s only where you float in what you perceive as existence. Where do you go? There’s nothing ahead nor behind you.

“Nothing helps.”

“NOTHING helps.”

“NOTHING HELPS.”

Black.

Once more, you’re back in your home doing what you normally do for yourself even though it’s attached to societal expectations or otherwise you’re a failure. It’s the same bright start, the bleak middle, and the heavy burden of the end as you blackout again.

This would be the only time you could say that the universe truly does hate who you are, and only you. Because what would we perceive as life or our existence without the universe never punishing its destructive inhabitants?

Chaos is the baseline.

A pipe dream.

Nothing helps.

Black.