Father’s Day

Father’s Day

I’m numb. You read that correctly, my friend. I am numb as can be right now. I’m numb because I am empty. I’m numb because today is the first Father’s Day without my father; he passed away on August 30th, 2021 due to covid-related complications. My middle brother passed away from mental health complications. And today is also Father’s Day for me. Oh, it’s also Father’s Day for my niece and nephew – a reminder of the father they lost on August 27th, 2017.

Life hasn’t been kind. Then again, when has it ever been kind?

It’s hard feeling proud of a day meant for celebrating the life you’re responsible for bringing into this world even when the world overlooks the destructive tendencies of mental health and the critical failure of the United States healthcare system. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my daughter with every fiber of my being. We had a wonderful time together today. Myself, my daughter, and her grandmother (my mother) went out for breakfast at my favorite diner. Leftovers. The leftovers are still incredible, too.

Not to steal a line from the movie Rocky (2006)…

Watching her grow up before my eyes every day really is like a privilege.

But spiteful. Yeah. Yeah, I’m feeling spiteful also.

I don’t know what else I can say, really. Well, that’s a lie. I do know exactly what it is I want to say for days like these but I fear damaging my reputation by releasing what I truly feel about missing my father, missing my brother, and the indifference towards the people who let them down.

Tomorrow is a new day, though. Tomorrow, it isn’t Father’s Day. Tomorrow, it’s Monday – a new work week where I’ll be facing incredible odds working through the backlog of marketing tasks.

I’m tired.